The Second Saga: Part Eleven

And so it was, not half a mug of tea had gone before the “brek oot the whisky” call was heard. Not the Carrot Whiskey, the special ‘Corn Whisky’, the reserve stock, the “good stuff”. Oggin brought in glasses for the pair and was instantly sent back for larger ones, while the inspection of Knick Knacks was quite forgotten, in favour of the new subject of Nitaa the Cutter. It became abundantly clear that the two women didn’t like the newcomer a lot, this despite the fact they didn’t really know her or anything about her but they didn’t let that stand in the way of a good ‘character assassination’. Oggin noticed that drink had a strange effect on Kajoa, in the early stages she became oddly belligerent and he went from “hen” to “numpty”. For the Mammie it was worse, he graduated from “tumshie” to “ya Bassa ye” in a very short while indeed but Oggin figured she had a head start in that department. Of course he also knew that Kajoa’s mood would swing the other way after a while and he hoped the Mammie had gone home by then. As the hour grew late, the Mammie decided she should go home, “tae see af’er th’ weans an’ tha”, although Oggin doubted she was capable of seeing after anything. At Kajoa’s urging he ‘volunteered’ to walk the Mammie to her gate, so she would be safe. He pondered that it was more likely he was protecting the rest of The Village from her, none the less, he took her home as ordered.

He returned home to find Kajoa sitting on the edge of the bath, in a state of undress save for a very broad smile and the crockity pot on the dressing chair beside her.

“See yon pot Oggin....tha’s gimme a few i’dees...so it has....”

And indeed it did dear reader, indeed it did...but let us not dwell on such things.

For Oggin the Ogg, Stoppdee started a good deal later than was normal, in fact it was almost mid-day when he woke. Feeling somewhat more relaxed than usual, he stayed in bed for ten minutes, enjoying the warmth and the smell of cooking seeping in from the kitchen where a humming Kajoa was preparing a Latearly Breaklunch, traditionally the first meal of The Ogglanders Stoppdee. The humming however, was for a different reason entirely. Oggin lay in his bed, hands behind his head, thinking of all the things he wasn’t going to do today, when this quiet reverie was shattered by a loud knock on the front door. This was followed by about the most amazing thing Oggin had ever heard.

“You stay in bed ma hen...ah’ll git thaat....”

Oggin froze, this couldn’t be good, Kajoa never left the kitchen while cooking a meal. Even when the range caught alight once she stayed put, beating out the flames with a frying pan in one hand and still mashing spuds with the other. Oggin had heard that some ‘Jovan Perceivers’ had been in The Other Village and feared bloodshed if they had disturbed Kajoa to “Spread the Good Whispers of Jovan” when she was cooking. He was almost relived to hear the lilting voice of Tookie the Boog, well, almost. The relief evaporated slightly when he heard H’rsh the Boog’s voice as well and then the sound of all three heading for the sitting room. Kajoa’s head popped round the bedroom door.

“You’d best git up rinoo hen.....Breaklunch is ah’but ready...” then her voice dropped to a whisper, “..ain you gotta see the he’air on yon Boog’s....”

She coughed a stifled laugh and went back to the kitchen and Oggin got up, splashed his face, smoothed his beard and put on his dark blue, one piece, Stoppdee lazing-suit. He tip-toed across to the sitting room and peeked through the door crack, clapped his hand to his mouth and almost choking, fled to the kitchen. Tookie and H’rsh the Boog’s were indeed sitting on the sofa but a change had befallen them, obviously from a very great height. Tookie was dressed in an almost modest bright red lazing-suit, it had large holes strategically cut in it so it showed almost as much as it covered but it was the hair, it was also bright red, even her eyebrows. H’rsh had forsworn her normal modest brown or black garb, she was dressed in a very bright green two piece trouser suit and her hair, once a bird’s nest of riotous colour was now iron straight and all Moss green.

Oggin reached the kitchen to find Kajoa bent double, red in the face and holding her breath in an effort not to laugh out loud. At his approach she vaguely pointed at the door and managed to splutter.

“Whit.....whit tha.....feck....”  before almost falling to her knees.

“I think the two Boog’s have been to see Nitaa the Cutter...for hair and fashion tips....bless ‘em.....I surly hope they didn’t part with coin.....”

“Yon Cutt’a must’e paid them’s.....” choked Kajoa, still fighting for breath.

While Kajoa tried to find some sort of composure, Oggin poured out two cups of tea and took them through to Tookie and H’rsh in the sitting room. The two were still smiling like dressmakers dummies and Oggin placed the tea in their hands, while trying not to look them in the eye, not an easy task.

“Er...Kajoa’s just finishing breaklunch....she’ll be here in a minute ....or so....”

“Oh der’s no hurry Oggin....no hurry a’tall....” replied Tookie.

“Ah no.....jus you tell’er ta take her time....an’all....” chipped in H’rsh.

Oggin gritted his teeth and looked them in the eyes to smile and then went back to the kitchen. It suddenly struck him that the two women seemed a little too relaxed, a little too laid back. When he reached Kajoa she was sitting at the table mopping her eyes and trying hard to breathe normally.

“Those two are high as kites....I don’t know what Nitaa the Cutter has given them....but they are so laid back they’re on their arses....”

“Naw way....ye’are kiddin’ me onn.....”

“No really....I mean it...they’re sitting there like a couple of semi dead fish....eyes glazed....silly smiles....and clearly very relaxed....”

“This I gotta see fur ma’sell.....yur food is here.....ah’m gwan’a see this byraway...”

Grabbing a mug of tea, she scuttled off to the sitting room and soon Oggin could make out the sound of conversation. Half of it was an animated Kajoa talking ten to the dozen and the other part came from the terminally relaxed Boog’s. Oggin toyed with idea of listening at the door but decided he wouldn’t be able to understand most of it, so he stayed put and finished his breaklunch, in peace.

After about half an hour, he heard the front door open and shut and Kajoa came back to the kitchen table.

“See yon pair a numptys...they’s reet oot ay’it so they’are....Yon Tookie hoad yin a’her diddies hing’in oot ah hole in her claes...tha clatty bint....and H’rsh...ya keen she swatch’t mouldy so she did...ah hope theys git back hame afore they come roond....”

“True my love....true....but I’d like to be a fly on the wall....when they do....”

Both laughed and then Kajoa recovered her food from the pantry and Oggin announced his intention to have a long soak in the bath and rose to go. He stopped at the door, turned, winked at Kajoa and spoke.

“Would you like me to..er....leave the water in....doll...?”