Part Four

Oggin knew from past experience that it would take at least half an hour to reach H’rsh the Boog’s cottage by following the normal paths and tracks, so decided to take a short cut, via the old copse. The copse had been used by the charcoal gangs in former times but was now disused and was a little overgrown in places. As Oggin pushed the barrow over the grass between the stunted trees there was suddenly a ‘pop’ and a great puff of smoke in front of him. He stopped, lowered the barrow and his head, which he slowly shook. He muttered to himself.

“Not now....please, not now...I really don’t have time for this....”

The smoke cleared to reveal an elderly woman in a somewhat used and scruffy, grubby white ball gown, in the manner of a careworn Fairy Godmother, there were several torn seams and obvious repairs and one fairy wing was missing. She held a silver coloured wand that was slightly bent and had been bound up with twine near the top.

“Ho!....Oggin of the Ogg...Know you not that a stitch in time saves nine lives...!”

“Hello Gladys....” replied Oggin with a sigh and a note of resignation in his voice.

This was The Stone Lady, no-one actually knows where she comes from or where she lives but some claim she “dwells in a Cave in the Hills”, others point out that, in fact, there are no caves in the hills but since the “Cave in the Hills” explanation sounds more exciting, it persists none the less. In fact she lives in the nearby small hamlet of Y’bae, in a very nice little cottage cum workshop. The villagers christened her “The Stone Lady” because of her habit of collecting coloured stones and old broken charms. She fashions these into bracelets and amulets which she claims have “magic powers” and then sells to any unwary traveller and the drunks in the village, hence the local term, “Stone Drunk”.

“Gladys....sweetheart....it’s always nice to see you but I’m in a bit of a hurry...”

“Well then, Oggin of the Ogg...riddle me this....What has four legs...no eyes...and never walks a step....?”

“A blind table Gladys....”

“NO!......A bath with the plug left in....you’re wrong.... know you not that a bath a day keeps the eggs in a tray...!”

“And-now-you-will-claim-your-prize-being-a-single-bag-of-bones....” replied Oggin, in a well rehearsed chant.

“No more....no less....hand them over and good luck will follow you this day...”

“Tsk.....there’s not much of the feckin’ day left....!” muttered Oggin to himself.

Oggin took the cotton bag from his belt and passed it to Gladys, she immediately opened it and looked inside, her eyes wide with avarice.

“These will bring a good price...er...I mean much good luck...Fare thee well Oggin of the Ogg and remember this....’There is a great deal of happiness in a simple suet pudding’....”

There was a ‘pop’ and another puff of smoke which cleared to show her now gone. Oggin picked up the wheelbarrow and then stopped to look carefully all around him and whispered under his breath.

“All I need now is the bloody Hasslesnag to feck things up and I’ve had the full set”

The Hasslesnag is a pixie, a Hob Goblin, from the Fairy Realm in the East. She appears out of thin air to cause mischief and all kinds of wayward naughtiness, when least expected. Of course this has lead to some of the more enlightened folk to point out that that is therefore just when she should be expected and this has earned them the name “Smartarse”. Quite why she does this is far from clear but in one of his last coherent utterances, Cyril the Sleeping Man is reported to have said, “Because she feckin’ can”, which is now the accepted wisdom on the matter. Oggin however was intrigued by the fact that The Hasslesnag and The Stone Lady seemed to turn up at about the same time and that good luck charms went up in price soon after.

In a few minutes Oggin arrived at the cottage of H’rsh the Boog. The cottage itself was in a dire state of repair with bits of missing thatch and some windows covered in tar paper, even the front gate was hanging at an angle off its hinges, the garden on the other hand was a completely different matter. It was a picture of quality and care, a riot of colour with well tended flowers and plants as far as the eye could see. Oggin had offered more than once to make some repairs but H’rsh wouldn’t hear of it, insisting that the cottage had “character” and as Oggin considered her to be as “mad as a stick”, he didn’t argue. He pushed the barrow up the front path and stopped to knock on the door, he did so with care lest it fell on him. H’rsh the Boog came to the door and it creaked and squeaked open on its rusting hinges. It didn’t matter how many times Oggin met with H’rsh, he was always amazed and a little taken aback. She stood a slightly plump, five foot three inches tall and always dressed in very bright pink clothes. Her smiling, round face was adorned by the thickest pair of spectacles Oggin had ever encountered, which magnified her bright blue eyes like an owl. But it was her hair that caused most astonishment, it was a thick bush of tangled curls in every colour of the rainbow and few extra thrown in for good measure, even some stripes. It transpires that H’rsh was afraid of going grey and coloured her hair with vegetable dyes of her own devising and since she was so desperately short sighted, she couldn’t see where it was being applied or even what colour it really was. She stood in the open doorway, leaning forward slightly, trying to see who had knocked on the door.

“Hello H’rsh...it’s me Oggin...I’ve brought some compost for you....from Greedle....”

“Oh me darlin’ boy...’tis good to see you so it is....would you be puttin’ it round the back for me...on da small pile....I’ll be comein’ out in a little moment...”

Oggin made his way around the side of the cottage to the back garden, it was huge, more like a small field and was covered in neat row after neat row of tall, spiky leaved, bushy plants. Bees buzzed among the purple blue buds and the air was heavy with a sickly sweet scent. Oggin recognised the plants from his youth but it had been many, many years since he had partaken and no longer did so, however, he had no problem with those that did, in moderation. H’rsh came out of the back door and stood staring intently around her, Oggin waved and caught her attention.

“Is dat yourself Oggin....Ahhh....so it is an’ you’ve put dat in da roite pile an’ all...Now tell me, will ya be after me payin’ fer dis load...?”

“No H’rsh...there’s no need for you to pay me, Greedle has already paid for the compost and for fetching it to here...”

“In dat case will ya be comein’ in for a glass or two....I have a fresh batch of carrot an’ cauliflower....ready fer da tastin’....”

Oggin had tasted H’rsh’s wine concoctions before and had vivid memories of the sore head and multiple midden visits that followed.

“Very kind of you H’rsh...really, very kind....but I have to be home before dark or Kajoa will give me hell....and then some....”

“She has a fair ole temper on her dat one...dat’s fer sure....well I’ll let ya be on yer way den....stay well Oggin me boy....stay well...”

“And you H’rsh....and you...”

Oggin pushed the now empty wheelbarrow back out of the garden and onto the smooth path outside. He calculated that it would take him twenty or so minutes to go straight home so he had no time to spare for a  detour to Tookie’s and return her barrow, so he set off at a brisk walk. He had only gone a few hundred yards when he caught sight of a flash of red and bright green in the bushes ahead. Then he clearly heard a soft girlish laugh from his right and at almost the same instant, the wheel on the barrow came off. The Hasslesnag had struck!