Part Fourteen

Oggin spent a couple of minutes laying on the ground, holding the ladder above him, as he worked through his limbs one at a time, checking nothing was broken. Satisfied he was mostly undamaged he very slowly got to his feet, using the ladder as support. His back was one long series of painful bits and his head was aching from the blow it received when he hit the ground but all in all, he felt lucky to have got away so lightly. Next on the agenda was trying to find what went wrong and that was an easy one, two long score marks on the top of the ladder showed where it had slipped out of the grips on his invention. This important information however did nothing to lessen the pain in his back and it wouldn’t get the washing line fixed either.

Oggin re-fitted the ladder to the “Grab-A-Pole” with a little bit of wiggling and a lot of muttered swearing and then very, very carefully climbed up again. The rest was relatively easy, tie on one end of the new line and then repeat the whole thing at the other post, leaving enough slack so The Mammie could reach to hang the washing. Being a bit of a softie at heart, Oggin left the swing in place but shortened the ‘rope’ so it wouldn’t get tangled up in the washing line and re-tied the knot on the lump of wood. Standing back he surveyed his work and then checked his tool belt, heaved the ladder onto his shoulder and set off home.

By now his head was enjoying a modest improvement but his back was feeling very stiff and he knew a soak in a hot bath would be in order but as Kajoa would probably be late and drunk when she got home, a hot soak would be a very tall order. Oggin returned all his tools to the store but decided to leave his ‘new invention’ on the ladder for now as his head hurt and his back was too sore the mess about with it.

He went into the cottage and poured himself a very large, purely medicinal, Watermelon Whiskey, eased himself into a kitchen chair and paused to think. If everything went to plan, Kajoa would show up just after dark, laden down with shopping. It would consist of, as usual, shoes that didn’t fit, clothes that were too small and of course, the inevitable “Knick-Knacks”, some of which would be broken. She would also be roaring drunk, which brought a wry smile to Oggin’s face. Then he started to think about some food, the two remaining eggs in his pocket had been ‘damaged’ when he fell, so they were no good. He rose with care and went to look in the larder, there were a couple of cold, grilled, Vole’n’Mole kebabs, some Greasy Goat pate and half a loaf of grey bread. Oggin decided to fix a meal for Kajoa as she was always starving when she got in from shopping and grab something now for himself. He divided the food between two plates, put one back in the larder and set the other on the table while he went to the sink, to wash his hands. When he turned back, a minute later, the kebab skewer was empty and the pate was on the floor, through the open door he just caught sight of a waiving, furry, ginger tail disappearing down the garden, Ray the silent thief had struck! Oggin picked up the pate from the floor, inspected it and decided it wasn’t too dirty, picked off a couple of cat hairs and returned it to his plate. Ignoring the gritty texture, he ate it with a slice of grey bread and washed it down with the Watermelon Whiskey, to disguise the taste.

As there was still a bit of light in the sky, Oggin thought he risk drawing a bath before Kajoa got home and closing the back door, while muttering about “horses and bolting”, he set off for the bath room. Oggin was very proud of his bath room, it was one of only three in The Village and his own design. The hot water came from his whiff-gas boiler in the cellar and both of these were his brain child as well. Although the bath room was slate stone tiled throughout it was still pleasantly warm as it was built over the boiler and Oggin opened the water stops and watched with pride as the steaming water flowed into the iron bath. He stripped off his clothes and was about to launch them into the washing hamper when he remembered the two squashed eggs in his trouser pockets, so he set them carefully aside to deal with later. He added some Earth Salts that he’d bought from The Stone Woman and watched as the water turned a livid shade of pink. Accompanied by a succession of ‘ooos’ and ‘ahhhs’ he lowered himself into the water and lay back feeling the heat sooth his spine, he took care to avoid looking at his legs.

Time passed, as it does and despite ‘topping up’ the hot water twice, Oggin decided he’d soaked for as long as was decent. This thought had barely crossed his mind when he heard the front door slam open and a voice rang out.

“Isss youse at hame ma liddle dumplin’ Ogginnnn....Ah come’d back tae ya...”

Kajoa had returned!

The door loudly slammed shut again, propelled by her heel and there then followed the noise of bags and such being bumped from wall to wall as she staggered her way down the short hall.

“Where iz ya ma wee sweetie puddin’ ye....come oot, come oot wer’evea ye are...”

Oggin recognized the signs at once, Kajoa was drunk again and suffering a surfeit of affection, again.

“I’m in the bath my Sweet Pea.....” he called out, a little nervously.

“Oh thass great so it iz....I’ll come an join yas...so I will...”

The bath room door burst open and the figure of Kajoa lurched into view, a picture in pink velvet trews and top. Leaning on the door post, she paused to lick her lips and smile a crooked smile. Then staggering and stumbling to and fro she divested herself of her clothes before joining Oggin in the bath, splashing water everywhere and laughing like a drain.

In the interests of good taste, dear reader, I think it best to draw a veil over the rest of the proceedings and bring this, the First of The Sagas of Oggin the Ogg, to a close. There will be more.....youse may take that how you choose.